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Writer's picturepaula weeks

The Elephant in the Room



In the hustle and bustle of life, sometimes we encounter symbols and stories that make us pause and reflect. Recently, for me, that symbol has been the elephant, and the story has been the parable of the "Five Blind Men and the Elephant." This parable provides a powerful analogy for understanding the multifaceted nature of open adoption.

My Journey with Elephants

My fascination with elephants began unexpectedly. A few weeks ago, I was scrolling through Instagram and came across a post that shared the story of the "Five Blind Men and the Elephant." This story immediately captured my attention and left me pondering its meaning.


Three days later, while working out at the gym, I paused my routine and said a little prayer, asking, "God, what do you want me doing with my coaching, where do you want me to go?" Not two minutes later, a gentleman I often see at the gym approached me and handed me a beautiful, intricately detailed keychain of an elephant. He told me, "This is for you," but with his broken English, he couldn't explain why. I was left wondering about the significance of this gesture. Then, I remembered the Instagram post and began to see a pattern.

Curiosity piqued, I dove into researching elephants—what they represent, their key characteristics, and their symbolism. The answers I found were inspiring and led me to incorporate the story of the "Five Blind Men and the Elephant" into a recent speech I gave.

But the encounters didn’t stop there. A week later, while spending time with family, I noticed my niece playing with a little toy elephant. The next day, a dear friend shared how her kids found a life-size (to them) stuffed elephant at a yard sale. Her husband even joked about getting a picture of an elephant for their living room so they could always talk about "the elephant in the room." So they did, get a picture.

The coincidences continued. Sitting in my office, I noticed a white figurine of an elephant on my bookcase that had been there for months. Walking down the hallway to greet a client, I saw a picture on the wall of an elephant in a bathtub. It seemed elephants were appearing everywhere in my life.



Relating the Elephant to Open Adoption

These encounters made me reflect on the deeper meaning of the elephant and how it relates to open adoption. The parable of the "Five Blind Men and the Elephant" offers a powerful analogy for understanding open adoption. In the story, each blind man touches a different part of the elephant and describes it based on their limited perspective, leading to incomplete and sometimes conflicting views of what an elephant truly is. Similarly, open adoption can be seen from various perspectives, each offering a unique but partial view of the overall experience.

The Different Perspectives in Open Adoption

  1. Birth Parents' Perspective

  • Like one of the blind men who touches the elephant and perceives it based on their limited interaction, birth parents in an open adoption see a part of the larger picture. They focus on their role in the child's life, the emotions of placing a child for adoption, and the ongoing relationship with the adoptive family. Their perspective is deeply personal and shaped by feelings of loss, hope, and love.

  1. Adoptive Parents' Perspective

  • Another blind man might touch a different part of the elephant, representing the adoptive parents' perspective. They see open adoption through the lens of welcoming a child into their family, navigating the complexities of maintaining an open relationship with the birth parents, and providing a nurturing environment. Their experience includes joy, responsibility, and the challenges of integrating the birth family's presence into their lives.

  1. Adoptee's Perspective

  • The adoptee, like another blind man, experiences open adoption from their own unique standpoint. They might grapple with understanding their identity, the reasons for their adoption, and the dynamics of having two sets of parents. Their perspective evolves as they grow, influenced by their developmental stage, personal experiences, and the information they receive about their birth family.

  1. Extended Family and Friends' Perspective

  • Extended family members and friends might represent another blind man, observing the open adoption from an outside yet involved position. They might see the relationship dynamics, offer support, and sometimes struggle to understand the complexities fully. Their views can be influenced by societal perceptions of adoption and their personal biases.

  1. Social Workers and Adoption Professionals' Perspective

  • The final blind man could symbolize the social workers and adoption professionals who facilitate the open adoption process. They have a broad view of the system, policies, and best practices, but their perspective is still one piece of the overall picture. They see the logistical and emotional aspects from a professional standpoint, aiming to support all parties involved.



The Whole Elephant: Open Adoption

Just as the blind men’s descriptions come together to give a fuller understanding of the elephant, the various perspectives in open adoption collectively form a more complete picture of the experience. Each viewpoint is valid and important, contributing to the overall understanding of what open adoption is and how it functions.

  1. Holistic Understanding

  • Recognizing that each party has a unique and valuable perspective helps in appreciating the complexity and beauty of open adoption. It emphasizes the need for empathy, communication, and a willingness to understand each other's experiences.

  1. Mutual Respect and Support

  • By acknowledging that everyone involved in open adoption sees different aspects, adoptive families, birth families, and adoptees can work together more harmoniously. This understanding fosters mutual respect, support, and a stronger sense of community and belonging.

  1. Evolving Perspectives

  • Just as the blind men's understanding would evolve if they could combine their insights, the perspectives in open adoption can grow and change over time. Open communication and ongoing relationships allow for a deeper, more nuanced understanding of each person's role and experience.

In summary, the "Five Blind Men and the Elephant" analogy highlights the multifaceted nature of open adoption. Each participant's perspective contributes to a richer, more comprehensive understanding of the adoptive experience. By embracing all viewpoints, we can create a more supportive and loving environment for everyone involved in the open adoption journey.


My journey with elephants and the story of the "Five Blind Men and the Elephant" has given me profound insights into the nature of open adoption. Just as each encounter with the elephant provided a new perspective, each person's experience in open adoption adds to the rich tapestry of understanding. Embracing these perspectives helps us appreciate the beauty and complexity of open adoption, fostering a more inclusive and empathetic community.

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